Lame Sports

Celtics Brian Scalabrine Dreads Inevitable Comparisons to Michael Jordan

By Rusty Weiss

Celtics power forward Brian Scalabrine stands at a daunting 6′ 9″.  He weighs in at a solid 235 pounds.  What could possibly make a man of his stature nervous?

“Having won a championship ring in only my seventh NBA season, I would assume the comparisons to Michael Jordan are right around the corner,” he said.  “It’s scary to have to live up to these expectations.”
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Vlade Divac Flops When Told of Referee Allegations

By Rusty Weiss

In an interview late Wednesday evening, Vlade Divac, a star basketball player for the Sacramento Kings 2002 playoff team, was informed of the recent allegations made by disgraced referee Tim Donaghy.  Upon hearing these allegations, Divac immediately flopped to the floor as if he had been shot in the abdomen.

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Ultimate March Madness Advice

By David Gignilliat

Along with the crack of the bat in spring training and the wall-to-wall coverage of the marathon NFL draft, the NCAA men’s basketball tournament ranks among the most cherished and anticipated rites of spring for dedicated television-watching sports fans. When the brackets come out each year, you’ll typically find two types of columns written by sportswriters. 

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Tired of Winning, Suns Trade For O’Neal

By Thomas Mundt 

PHOENIX, AZ  -  Fed up with their unique, fast-paced brand of championship-caliber basketball, Suns GM Steve Kerr shipped 4-time All-Star Shawn Marion and reserve Marcus Banks to the Miami Heat in exchange for infirm rapper/actor Shaquille O’Neal.  The move, coming just days before the All-Star Break, is designed to render the Suns’ high-powered offense completely impotent and nondescript by season’s end.

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Celtics to Sign T-Pain

By Thomas Mundt 

BOSTON, MA -  Celtics Director of Basketball Operations Danny Ainge announced Monday that the franchise is close to finalizing a deal with R&B sensation T-Pain, with the crooner expected to join the squad before next week’s 10-game West Coast swing.  The terms of the deal are thus far undisclosed.

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Knight Notches Number 900

By Carol Pearson 

Long-time NCAA basketball coach Bob Knight made history Wednesday night by leading a team to victory for the 900^th time in his career.  Knight, who is currently coaching at Texas Tech, was naturally thrilled, but many reporters were rather hesitant to interview him, thereby making it difficult to get any decent sound bites after the game. 

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NBA to Replay Entire 2006-2007 Season

By Thomas Mundt

NEW YORK, NY - NBA Commissioner David Stern announced Monday that the entire 2006-2007 season will be replayed, upon the conclusion of the 2008 Finals in June.  The announcement follows the Association’s recent decision to replay the final 51.9 seconds of December 19’s controversial Hawks-Heat contest.

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Bulls Beg Jordan to Return

By Carol Pearson

Tired of being last in the Eastern Conference Central Division, the Chicago Bulls have decided to see if they can entice the legendary Michael Jordan to return.  The Bulls currently have the best record of all of the last place divisional teams, but this is little comfort to the management and players, who were expecting at least a minimal rise in status after firing head coach Scott Skiles in December.

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Van Gundy Rejoins Heat, ‘Now That They’re Crap Again’

By Rusty Weiss

In what league executives are calling a stunning turn of events, the Miami Heat have re-signed their former coach, Stan Van Gundy, to a new contract.

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Get Well Soon Dickie V

By Rob Dauster

It’s a cold night late in February. The college basketball regular season is winding down. With each and every game played, conference championships, NCAA tournament bids, and #1 seeds are all on the line. The fiercest rivalries are on display on national television on a nightly basis. Twelve young men, themselves still college kids, are playing not only for themselves – their pride, their wins, their championships – but for the most prestigious and well-known universities in out country, and the coaches, students, and thousands of fans nationwide that live and die with every shot. With March Madness on the horizon, no other time of year is better than this in the sports world. And is there any game in which all of this more evident than the annual Duke – North Carolina game that ends the ACC regular season?

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Denver Nuggets Forward Bobby Jones… (Headline)

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Bird, McHale and Parish to Unretire and Play for Boston

By Freddy Cohen

Ending days of rumor and speculation, the original Celtics “Big 3” are headed back to Boston to once again play for the Celtics. Returning to the franchise that they led to 3 NBA Championships during the 1980’s, Larry Bird, Kevin McHale and Robert Parish believe that they can help the current Celtics return to prominence this season. Read the rest of this entry »

Shock Therapy

By Harlan Sherwin

To: The American Psychological Association

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Starbury/A-Fraud Redux

By Jason Levy

The whim of the sports gods is intriguing. Two subjects I covered in earlier posts, the embarrassing situation of the New York Knicks and the Alex Rodriguez saga, each took left turns without putting on their respective blinkers, and don’t you hate when that happens? While more drama is likely to play out down the road, here are my thoughts on the recent happenings of these Gotham giants, and different sides that can only be paired with each other.

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My Unhealthy Obsession

By Ross Weingarten

I love Duke basketball. I love it so much, that when they are playing a game, everything else takes a backseat. My family, friends, work, they all come second when my beloved Blue Devils are playing. And when they play a big rival, like Maryland or UNC? Forget it. The world might as well stop spinning.

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