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Clemens Latest Alleged Affair Involved Eight Belles

 

By Rusty Weiss 

In the tumultuous world that is the sexual history of Roger Clemens, perhaps the most disturbing news has come from an anonymous source at the Daily News today.  In their continued effort to uncover the many alleged affairs of Clemens, the Daily News is reporting that he and Eight Belles had an alleged intimate relationship.  The most stunning news isn’t that this was yet another affair for a married man with four children.  No, it was that the alleged relationship began when Ms. Belles was no more than a foal.

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A-Rod Purchases Entire Marlins Team

By Kevin Moran 

Marlins’ owner, Jeffrey Loria, has agreed in principle to sell the team to Yankees’ third baseman Alex Rodriguez, according to a Major League Baseball official speaking on the condition of anonymity.  The deal is contingent upon the approval of Commissioner Bud Selig. The commissioner could not be reached for comment Monday night, but he is not expected to impede the sale.                                                                                               

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Pirates Impressed with Crystal, Sign Comedian to Multi-Year Contract

By Victor Li 

The Yankees thought they were giving superfan Billy Crystal a nice gift for his 60th birthday.  A one-day contract.  A uniform with the number “60″ on it.  A spot in the lineup as a Designated Hitter against the Pittsburgh Pirates.   However what started out as a one-shot publicity stunt has turned into something much more. 

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Local Goat Can’t Shake ‘Curse of the Cubs’

 

By Rusty Weiss 

Lonely.  Isolated.  Such is the life of one unfortunate local goat.

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Baseball’s Back! A Case For the Juice

 

By Chris St. Jacques

This week baseball players around the United States are putting down their beers, putting their La-Z-Boys in their upright and locked position and reporting for Spring Training.  Fans start winding down from the fast action/hard hitting NFL season and begin to settle in for the 162 game season that is Major League Baseball.  But what is the question on everybody’s mind?  Will the BoSox repeat?  Will Joe Torre be good for the Dodgers?  Will the Phillie Phanatic finally win a spot in the starting rotation?  The answer of course is… None of the above.  Why?  Simply put, everyone and their mother is talking about steroids. 

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Boston Annexes Perfectville

By Tyler Hinman 

What started as another seasonable, sun-soaked day in Perfectville, soon turned chaotic as a horde of marauding Bostonians attacked the domicile of the 1972 Miami Dolphins, who remain the only undefeated team in NFL history.

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Washington Digs in Against the Rocket

By Chris St. Jacques

Washington, D.C. - The buzz inside the beltway reached a fevered pitch, as Roger “The Rocket” Clemens spent five hours with the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee.  The questioning from representatives on the committee ranged from his ‘alleged’ use of steroids and HGH to how he felt when he won his first Cy Young Award to what he was doing later and if he maybe, possibly would want to go out for a beer. 

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Selig Approves New Mitchell Investigation

By Craig Gonciarczyk

With all the fervor, speculation and accusations coming in the wake of the Mitchell report on steroids in baseball, Commissioner Bud Selig has authorized George Mitchell to conduct another investigation involving hormone injections.

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Major Leaguers Stunned to Learn Vitamin B-12 Comes in Tablet Form

By Rusty Weiss

What seems to be common knowledge to the general population, has apparently escaped the likes of some of the more accomplished Major League Baseball players and athletes of our time.

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Steroids

By David Gignilliat

Enough of the Mitchell Report already. OK, so a ton of guys took steroids and HGH and had needles stuck in their butts by other grown men. I’m ready to move on. Give it a break for a little bit. It’s been a tough enough sports year already. Cheating here, cheating there, cheating everywhere.

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Quixotica Fantasy Baseball

By David K. Gignilliat

As the smoke slowly clears from the explosive Mitchell Report and baseball detoxes its game during a turbulent offseason, it will soon be time for preparation for the 2008 fantasy baseball season. After all, everything begins anew each year in baseball. New players will join new teams. New rookies and sleepers will rise into the consciousness of fantasy owners. New trash will be talked and new crow will be eaten. New leagues will be joined and new draft sheets will be reviewed. New fantasy titles will be won and defended. In the spirit of novelty and rebirth, I propose some new words and phrases to be introduced into the fantasy baseball lexicon in 2008.

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Papelbon’s Dog Confirms his Owner is an Idiot

By Nick Maloney

Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon’s dog confirmed in a conference call Friday that his owner is indeed a moron.

The dog, Boss, is accused of devouring the ball, who goes by the name Herby, that in play during the final out in the Boston’s 2007 World Series victory over the Colorado Rockies.

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Fallout from the Mitchell Report

By Victor Li

So, did the Mitchell Report live up to the hype? Aside from the dirt that came out about Clemens and a good portion of the Yankees clubhouse, the Mitchell Report was somewhat of a disappointment. I guess that’s to be expected, since Mitchell was stonewalled by the players at almost every turn. He had some stuff to go on (like the BALCO scandal and the Grimsley investigation), and some things fell into his lap as a result of ongoing federal investigations (Kirk Radomski, Brian McNamee, the Signature Pharmacy Investigation). Otherwise, he was drawing dead. Mitchell even admitted that this list hardly even constituted a drop in the bucket as far as determining how many major leaguers were on some kind of performance enhancing drug.

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