(15 votes, average: 4.53 out of 5)
Loading ...18
Aug
2008
Ohio Penal System Very Close to Re-Signing Chris Henry
By Rusty Weiss
Sources here at Lame Sports have learned that the oft troubled but talented Chris Henry is very close to a deal that would make him the highest paid wide receiver in Ohio Penal System (OPS) history.
Henry’s agent, Marvin Frazier, said it was too soon to spell out details of the impending deal, but that rumors of a trade earlier in the day now appear to be unfounded.
Early Monday morning, ESPN’s Chris Mortenson had indicated that the OPS was interested in a sign-and-trade that would send Henry back to jail, while the Bengals would receive ‘a compensatory pack of smokes and a player to be named later.’
Jack Brennan, a Cincinnati team spokesman said, “We tried a straight-up trade once before with the Penal System. How do you think we got in this God awful mess in the first place? Forgot the guys name, but we send him there thinking we pulled one over on ‘em right, and thirteen players to be named later we’re sitting on an entire roster full of inmates. Should have assumed something when I saw names like Odell and Frostee. They were wearing stripes before they even threw on a Bengals jersey.”
Henry himself had a prepared statement sent to the media via jail stationary.
“It’ll be so good to go home yo. People are all like, wouldn’t you rather make your lettuce in the NFL? And I’m like son, no way no how! I be knocking out license plates at 42 cent an hour. Mike Vick? Rae Carruth? Whatcha got on me?”
Head Coach Marvin Lewis responded by saying, “What? Um. Yea. The hell did he just say?”
The contract is being reported to approach an unprecedented 10-12 years, with an option to opt out after 8 years based on ‘behavioral criteria.’
The 25 year old Henry will join his new teammates after a brief vacation with the Cincinnati Bengals, when it is expected he will report back to jail within a couple of days.
Current Bengals receiver Chad Johnson had this to say, “Dude makes Ocho Cinco look like a peach-o.”
Photo Credit: CBS Sports
© LameSports.net