Lame Sports

Local Guy Actually Mocked During Mock Draft

By Rusty Weiss

It didn’t take long for an area get-together of hardcore fantasy football fans to live up to its name. 

The annual Minneapolis Fantasy Football Mock Draft was recently held to prepare locals in Minnesota for the actual fantasy draft on August 28^th.  The participants, who typically take these events quite seriously quickly got into a disagreement, denigrating this year’s event into a mockery.

Skippy Fednik, some local dweeb, said “I don’t know what happened.  I’m sitting there, reading off my pick in the second round, and the guys just go nuts, ya know?  I’m like whoa fellas, where is this coming from?”

Martin Russell, a resident of Minneapolis who has been wasting countless hours of his life on Fantasy Football, had a different take on things.

“Skip’s been doing this for years,” he said.  “Guy always takes some sleeper you’d expect to go in like the 8^th round, he takes him in the 2^nd round.  He just wants to hear everyone oooing and ahhing.  Come on, Brady Quinn?  He doesn’t even start, Skip!”

Tom Blanchet, who’s wife left him three years ago because of his infatuation with cheat sheets, added to the criticism.

“Yea, and don’t forget he tries to go all Chris Berman with everyone’s nicknames in the draft.  First, it’s not original.  Second, Skip sucks at it.  It’s not even funny dude.” 

Russell supported the accusations saying, “Just this year in the first round.  All you have to do is say ‘Marion Barber.’  Nope, he goes with Marion ‘I need to go to the’ Barber.  I swear if I wasn’t saving myself for the local Madden ‘09 Club I would have punched him in the head.

In his defense, Skippy stated “I love Fantasy Football.  The feeling of competition, the smell of a freshly printed cheat sheet, the sweat pouring down one’s face after downing two dozen hot wings in between picks.  There’s nothing quite like it.  I was so psyched for today’s mock draft, that I could just feel the energy.  So when I got dressed, and threw on my special edition, Carrie Fisher autographed underpants, I just said to myself ‘Oh, it’s on!’

In all of the turmoil, one thing was becoming quite clear.  Next year’s annual Minneapolis Fantasy Football Mock Draft, and perhaps even the upcoming Minneapolis Fantasy Football Actual Draft, was in jeopardy.

When asked for comment on her son’s stupidity, Skippy’s mother declined and shut the door on our reporters.  A few second later the door opened again, and Skippy’s father poked his head out, offering his thoughts.

“You want a comment?  You want a comment?  Kid’s a fucking dork!” he said, slamming the door behind him.

Photo Credit: Twin Cities Daily Photo

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