Lame Sports

The Annual Running of the bulls!

By Trel

The festival of San Fermín in the city of Pamplona, adds yet another American to its injured reserve roster; California native, Marcus Wolf , 22 years old.

More Ceremony, more pageantry, more glamour, more explosives, more running, more carnage and death than any other sport in modern history…Oh and more nudity as well.

The games begin at 8:00 a.m. sharp, shortly after the sunrise that signals the end of a huge party started the previous night.  The runners are not informed of the races start by a flag waving or mere cap gun mind you, but rather with the firing of the first rocket, the “Cohete“, which announces the impending release of the bulls from the corral. A second Rocket is launched shortly thereafter to signal that the last bull has left the corral.  FYI, if you’re still standing in the same place when the second rocket is launched, that you where when the first rocket was launched you’re about to know the answer to, “Where’s the beef?” Back to the games: At this point in time there has already been 2 rockets released in to the atmosphere, as well as six bulls and six steers in to the streets of a small Spanish village, chasing down a couple of hundred hung-over tourists.

The event is dangerous to say the least. With fifteen deaths and over 200 serious injuries in just the last eight decades (not including all the animals which are slaughtered at the end), this sport, which was started in 1591 has racked up more violent deaths and injuries than car racing, boxing and table tennis combined.

Made “World Renowned” by Ernest Hemingway’s, 1926 novel The Sun Also Rises, the event has attracted both thrill seekers and manic depressants, seeking a quick and grandiose ending to their tortured existences.  In order to stem the epic carnage and “Unsafe Rap”, which has plagued the sport in recent years; local authorities have created a multi-lingual tourist festival guide book that explains in detail how to avoid being mauled by giant horned beasts.  The one I read began by stating: Stay out of the streets for the next week schmuck.  Oddly enough, in most sports that involve some form of physical contact protective gear is mandatory, but in the macho, bravado filled environment known as bull running, no padding whatsoever is even recommended, nonetheless mandatory.  Most men don’t even wear shirts… Sweet.

But if your skin fetish is not completely satisfied by 100 half naked men running for their collective lives, while suffering the affects of 7 days of nonstop partying, PETA has your ticket; The Running of the Nudes.  In protest to the ultra violent sport, PETA in 2002 kicked off an awareness campaign, which has brought to the forefront some disturbing facts, and maybe more importantly, some rather disturbing pictures… Oh and the pic of the slaughtered bull below the pic of the President of the George Michael Fan Club (middle) is not something you want to view before ordering your steak medium rare.

Obviously, some of the people involved in the running of the nudes are just exhibitionists, while others are there to simply check out naked people (though a firm count has not been tallied as of yet on how many people enjoyed viewing the twosome above); many are true animal activist, who see the ending of the running of the bulls to be one of the most horrific acts of animal cruelty sanctioned in modern times.

For once all of the bulls have entered the Pamplona Plaza de Toros, a third rocket is released while a fourth firecracker indicates that the bulls are in their bullpens and the run has concluded.  With the last picture being the end of the race for the bulls.

Though our tears are shed for the latest American “athlete” to fall in this passionate and provocative race, (California’s own Marcus Wolf) who was gored and subsequently hospitalized for his life threatening injuries; we would like to point out that the bull pictured above did not voluntarily buy a plane ticket and fly across the globe to get stabbed to death.

Marcus Wolf: athlete, gentleman, scholar, tourist, douche bag.

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