Lame Sports

As “Olympic Fever” sets in, so does “Wedgie Fever”

 

By Trel

While Olympic coaches move to gain youth advantage, individual athletes move to gain any advantage that won’t get them disqualified.

International phenomenon, Spain’s Andres Iniesta gets smoked like a cheap fish by Portugal’s newest prodigy, 8 year old Sebastian Hermanties. Later Iniesta was flagged by Olympic authorities for giving himself an illegal wedgie. Iniesta vehemently denied knowing that wedgies are banned from Olympic events.

(Above left - Clemens, caught by Dateline undercover cameras in the local Quickie Mart)

Toting the fine line between “Training” and on the field play, Rodger Clemens argues his case before Congress that his steroid injections had much more effect on his play than his cotton injections.

Olympic Hopefuls, Jim Snood and Mike Clasp endure hours of grueling wedgie workouts that last well in to the night. Jim, America’s brightest rising star in the javelin competition, states “What would hurt more than my package being lodged in my rear, would be walking away from the Games with nothing but a second bellybutton.”

Fate would have it that Jim’s roommate in the Olympic training facility, located outside Denver, is none other than Mike Clasp, the favorite to win the Men’s Clean and Jerk. (shown above giving Snood an atomic wedgie) Though admitting the pain is almost intoxicating, Snood’s number tell the tale. “Since I have committed to throwing my own spear away in the training process, throwing someone else’s is like child’s play.”

(Women’s’ tandem row boating is filling more cracks than Benjamin Moore)

Wedgie fever has not only spread in to the training regimens of multi athlete events, but has transformed many sports entirely and left players as well as officials shaking their collective heads.

Last week during Olympic qualifying for Men’s Soccer, Franz Hoister of Belgium got a “lift” from an illegal “flying wedgie” from teammates, which arguably gave him the extra power that was needed to kick a ball 400 yards. Chow Me Now of China can only look on in horror, not knowing what ball will eventually fly from the crowd.

Harder to test for than steroids and human growth hormones, wedgies are on the “rise” and with no “end” in sight, Olympic committees are meeting around the clock to determine a proper course of action.

More to follow.
For more information on Wedgies, please visit the following:

www.wikipedia.org states:
A wedgie (also known as a “snuggie” or “gotch pull”) is having one’s underwear or other garments “wedged” between the buttocks. This can occur naturally, due to tight garments or physical activity; this is referred to as the underwear “riding up”. It can also be performed as a prank or as a form of bullying; this is referred to as “giving (a person) a wedgie”