Lame Sports

Celtics Brian Scalabrine Dreads Inevitable Comparisons to Michael Jordan

By Rusty Weiss

Celtics power forward Brian Scalabrine stands at a daunting 6′ 9″.  He weighs in at a solid 235 pounds.  What could possibly make a man of his stature nervous?

“Having won a championship ring in only my seventh NBA season, I would assume the comparisons to Michael Jordan are right around the corner,” he said.  “It’s scary to have to live up to these expectations.”

“They’re always asking who’s the next Michael.  Is it Kobe?  Is it Lebron?  Or is it Scalabrine?  Now that I have a ring, it seems pretty obvious what the answer is,” he continued.

“It took Jordan seven years to get over the hump.  And here I am, seven years later, celebrating my first title.  Three-peat?  Probably.  Who knows where I’ll lead the Celtics in the next several years?  Six championships?  All-Star games?  These things are inevitable really.”

“Where’s your ring King James?” Scalabrine taunted.

“I might be the next Michael, but my ultimate goal is to ascend to further heights.  Will I be the next Mark Madsen?  Can I ever be in the same class as a Jack Haley?  I think so.  I just don’t want to be considered someone who rides the coattails of his teammates the way Jordan or Shaq did.”

Scalabrine had no comment when asked about his zero minutes of playing time in the NBA Finals.

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