Lame Sports

Ronaldo Deeply Regrets Getting Prostitute’s Phone Number from Eddie Murphy

By Rusty Weiss

Brazil striker Ronaldo says he’s sorry, embarrassed and ashamed that he ever consulted long time friend Eddie Murphy before calling for a prostitute.  After his highly publicized encounter a week ago with three cross-dressing prostitutes, the soccer star called his error in judgment the biggest mistake of his life.

In a recent interview, Ronaldo was quoted as saying “It was an isolated and stupid act.”

The three-time FIFA player of the year added “I’m sorry and ashamed.  Eddie is a good friend, but I never should have asked him for that prostitute’s phone number.  I mean, dude had a tranny arrested in his car once.  I should’ve expected that she might come with some men’s tackle.  You know?  Seriously.”

AC Milan teammate and defender, Massimo Oddo said, “Gives a whole new meaning to the term slide tackle.”

Oddo continued, “Why he would ask that guy (Murphy) for advice is beyond me.  I think anyone who does method acting as a donkey has some issues.” 

Retired soccer player Zinedine Zidane was asked his thoughts.  He said, “Sometimes you can’t get the game out of your system, even if you aren’t playing.  I may be retired, but I always have the desire to take the field and prove how good I am.  It’s probably the same for an injured star like Ronaldo.”

When asked for clarification Zidane surmised, “He can’t be on the field, but he’s still clearly playing with balls.”

Zidane was later pulled off of a reporter following a vicious head butt, the result of a misunderstanding in which he thought the reporter had referred to the transsexual prostitute as Zidane’s sister.

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