Lame Sports

Golfer Kills Hawk; Gets Support From VP

By Carol Pearson 

Professional golfer Tripp Isenhour got into a bit of trouble for killing a rare bird on December 12 with a golf ball.  It seems Isenhour was upset that the hawk was making too much noise while he was trying to shoot a video.

“Unprofessional.  Just unprofessional,” said Isenhour.  “I mean, we asked that bird nicely on several occasions to can it, but he just kept on chirping, or whatever sound it is that hawks make.”

While Isenhour faces criminal charges, it seems at least one person in a high place is coming to his defense.  Dick Cheney called Isenhour Thursday, March 6 to offer his support. 

“I know a thing or two about so-called ‘hunting incidents.’  I mean, there was quite a furor awhile back when I shot a friend in the face while hunting quail.  At least this guy hit the bird, so in that respect he’s got much better aim than I do.  Heck, he used a golf ball instead of a bullet and still hit the target,” said the Vice President from the secret bunker he still calls “home.”

Isenhour was thankful for the Vice President’s support, although it remains to be seen if it will be enough to clear him of the charges. 

“It’s one thing to shoot a friend in the face.  It seems most folks are willing to forgive a guy for that, but shoot an animal and all Hell breaks loose,” he sighed, then added, “Hey, but maybe I’ll get a Presidential pardon or something.  That would be cool.”

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