Lame Sports

Local Goat Can’t Shake ‘Curse of the Cubs’

By Rusty Weiss 

Lonely.  Isolated.  Such is the life of one unfortunate local goat.

Billy the goat, a local animal owned by Farmer Craig Lesnick, has been cursed from day one according to the locals.

Lame Sports was on the scene to discuss the curse with Billy.

“Ever since farmer boy over here bought me at a livestock show, things haven’t been the same.  Baaaaaad luck was following me everywhere,” Billy claims.  “Then I saw him come out to milk the cows one day wearing a Cubs t-shirt.  I thought, there ya go.  That’s the problem.”

“The other goats all made fun.  Started calling me Bartman the goat instead of Billy,” he continued. 

“Boy did that get my goat.  I always used to be a nice, outgoing kid.  Now I’m just bitter.  Some would say gruff.  And I owe it all to the Cubs.”

One sympathetic cow on the farm seemed to agree.

“Billy became a scapegoat for everyone else out in the field,” she said.  “The other bucks wouldn’t even let Billy gnaw on his weeds without giving him a problem.  If only the Cubs would finally win something.”

But others aren’t so sure. 

“Maybe it’s not a t-shirt that makes us hate that guy,” said another goat.  “Maybe it’s because numb nuts here tried to catch a foul ball in the 2003 playoffs with his headphones on.  Ever think of that Bartman?  Maybe he should chew on that for a while.”

We later explained to this goat that the person involved in the foul ball incident was actually human.

“Maybe he didn’t do the foul ball thing, but I know for a fact he was in that baaaaaath tub when Kerry Wood slipped and fell.  Goats love hot tubs,” he said undeterred.

“My memory has always been pretty baaaaaad.  I’m a goat for chrissakes,” he later admitted.

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