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Vikings Trade Entire Team for Two of Herschel Walker’s Personalities

By Rusty Weiss

Shades of ‘The Trade’ have come back to haunt Minnesota Viking fans.  Perhaps being a bit over-exuberant, Vikings GM Rob Brzezinski jumped on the recent news of Herschel Walker’s personality disorder. 

Walker will be making a revelation in his upcoming book that he has suffered with multiple personality disorder for much of his career.

In response to the news, Brzezinski has decided to trade the entire Viking organization for two of Walker’s personalities, and a personality to be named later.

“I got the idea from my old college frat brother, Mike,” he said.

The Mike he was referring to was Mike Lynn, former GM of the Minnesota Vikings who orchestrated what many of the team’s fans simply refer to as ‘The Trade.’

Executed on October 12, 1989, the trade was the biggest in NFL history, involving 18 players or draft picks.  It is widely considered one of the more lopsided trades in sports, resulting in the decimation of a Super Bowl caliber Viking team and the rise of the Cowboys dynasty in the 90’s.

Brzezinski said, “We really feel that the only thing holding us back right now is personality on this team.  We’re only a couple of good strong personalities away from being back on top.”

Fans in Minnesota are not pleased.

Ron Tedesko, a fan for over 3 decades, summed up the predominant question on people’s minds. 

“How the hell are we supposed to win with Walker out there bouncing around from ‘Crazy Herschel’ to ‘Scholarly Herschel’ every two seconds, eh?  Who else is going to play with him?” he asked.

When asked if the team would use the draft to build around Walker, Brzezinski responded “we traded all of our picks as well.”

Qurterback Tavaris Jackson had some questions of his own. 

“All I want to know is where am I supposed to go?  What team did he trade all of us to?  Herschel’s been out of the game for a while now,” he pondered.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell updated everyone by holding a press conference stating, “The rights to Herschel Walker and all of his many personalities still technically belong to the Cowboys, since Dallas was the team to re-sign him prior to retirement.”

Jerry Jones could not be reached for comment, but sources say he had locked himself in his office and has been sitting with his mouth agape, drooling, and muttering repeatedly “I can’t believe we got ‘em again.”

At the time of our interview with Brzezinksi, the AP had released the names of the personalities involved in the trade. 

“The Vikings have acquired the rights to Sous Chef Walker, and Narcoleptic Walker,” the report said.

Brzezinski was undeterred, “We still have that personality to be named later.”

Approximately 15 minutes later the AP released the final name in the trade as Hershey, the Awkward Teen.

“Crap,” Brzezinski said.

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