Lame Sports

Favre Choking On and Off the Field

By Chris St. Jacques

Green Bay, WI - Packer fans around the world had a scare today as reports started to come in about Brett Favre’s condition.  Thankfully he is now “out of the woods and in the clear”, according to local doctor who was on the scene at the time of the incident.

“I was sitting here enjoying a lovely, if not slightly overcooked, t-bone when the commotion started,” said local enjoyer of beef and Packer fan Don McBrier.  “In fact, I was halfway through my potato before I even realized that Brett Favre was in the restaurant.”

“I had to point it out to him,” said Don’s wife, Glenda.

The McBrier’s were not the only ones to notice that their local superman, Brett Favre, was enjoying dinner, at Brett Favre’s Steakhouse, on this brisk winter evening.  Pictures were snapped, autographs were signed and a good time was being had by all.  Brett stood up and thanked every one of the patrons for their business and promised them a Lombardi trophy next season.

 ”The mood was chipper,” according to Durango Thomas, who was sitting two tables away from Brett.  “No one seemed to care about the loss in the NFC Championship game.  We were just in awe.” 

But as soon as Mr. Favre sat down and begun to dig into his steak one simple statement would forever change the lives of these local Packer fans.  Bill “Buckeye” Jenkins, who was sitting at the table next to Brett, issued a challenge to Mr. Favre.  “I bet I can finish my streak before you can, Brett.” 

Brett chuckled and said, “You’re on, Buddy.”

“Everybody in the steakhouse began to cheer Brett on. I’d never seen two guys tackle meat like that before in my life, and I was in the Navy for two years,” joked Durango Thomas.  “They were both neck and neck down the stretch when Buckeye seemed to stumble and had to stop and drink some water.”

It was then that Brett had has chance to pull away and take home the victory. 

“Brett!  Brett!  Brett!  Brett!  Brett!” they all shouted.

It was just as Brett Favre was given a chance to seal the victory that tragedy struck.  Brett Favre choked. 

“He had it,” said the crestfallen Tonya Mason.  “He had it in the bag and then he just choked.”

Brett grabbed his throat but was silent.  No air was going in or coming out.  The color began to drain from his face.  It became so silent in Brett Favre’s Steakhouse that one could actually hear the hearts of all his fans break.  The only movement was that of “Buckeye” Jenkins finishing his steak and loudly proclaiming, “Done!” 

Local Doctor, Gern Blandsten, quickly rushed to Brett’s aid, performing the Heimlich and dislodging the steak.  “It was a close one,” said Gern.  “But he’ll be alright.”

Brett just sat down and stared at the two bites of his remaining steak.  Some say a single tear fell from his left eye and landed in his pile of peas.  He did not touch any of the food in front of him for the rest of the night. 

A statement was made by Brett’s publicist shortly after the incident that noted that, “Brett has had an ongoing choking problem, which began on January 14, 1996 in Texas.  Brett then went a whole year without choking, but then suffered from it again in San Diego on January 25, 1998 and it has plagued him ever since.  It is a known issue and one we are working on, and in the future hopefully, it won’t be an issue.  There is just something about the month of January that makes Brett choke.  We’re looking into it.”

Tonight was a dark, cold night in Green Bay.  Darker and colder than a typical Green Bay night, which is already pretty dark and cold to begin with. Packer fans look around for answers to questions that simply aren’t there, all the time staring through a giant chink in their Green Knights armor. 

“I wanted to win, but not like this,” said “Buckeye” Jenkins who was tragically but predictably beaten with a tire iron minutes after leaving the restaurant. 

© LameSports.net