Lame Sports

Bulls Beg Jordan to Return

By Carol Pearson

Tired of being last in the Eastern Conference Central Division, the Chicago Bulls have decided to see if they can entice the legendary Michael Jordan to return.  The Bulls currently have the best record of all of the last place divisional teams, but this is little comfort to the management and players, who were expecting at least a minimal rise in status after firing head coach Scott Skiles in December.

According to Jim Boylan, interim head coach for the bulls, the return of Jordan could help improve their standing to at least the middle of the Central Division.  “Sure, he’s nearly 45 years old and is therefore old enough to be the father of most of our players,” said Boylan, “but we are kind-of a bit desperate right now.  Do you have his number?  Please tell me you have his number.”

When Jordan played for Chicago, the team won a total of six NBA championships.  The first three occurred before his first retirement (1991-1993) and the second were before his second round of retirement (1996-1998).  In 2001, Jordan returned to professional basketball again as a player with results that were considered mixed at best.

This does not phase Boylan, however, who is doing everything in his power to coax Jordan out of retirement yet again.  “Michael, I am begging you.  Please come back!  Please! Please! Please!  Pretty please with sugar on top.  We really need you.  I’ll wash your car for a year.”  He then dropped to his knees and sobbed uncontrollably.

As a side note, we at Lame Sports attempted to reach Michael Jordan for this story ourselves, but were informed that, “Mr. Jordan is far too important to take this call…  Oh, and please do NOT give this number to Jim Boylan.”

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