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Jan
2008
Archie Manning Recognizes Eli as His Son
By Nick Maloney
Former NFL quarterback Archie Manning, father of Colts quarterback Peyton, today admitted he has another son named Eli. A son whom he had disowned for his entire life until last Sunday.
Manning had refused to accept Eli into the Manning family due to his struggles in the NFL and failure to live up to his billing as the number one pick in the 2004 draft. Multiple paternity lawsuits filed by Eli failed several times to force his father to recognize him as his own blood. Until Sunday night Archie had refuted that Eli was his son.
“I figure his two road playoff wins justify carrying the Manning name. Hell, Peyton couldn’t even win one at home this year. I guess it’s time for him to start getting those pep talks and stop giving them,” Archie Manning said.
“Maybe my Dad will finally put me in his will now, or at least stop telling me I’m a loser,” Eli said following the victory over top seeded Dallas.
Manning has put together three of the best games of his career over the last three weeks, hanging with the Patriots until the fourth quarter, beating the Buccaneers in Tampa and upsetting the Cowboys in Dallas last Sunday.
The victories have helped Eli gain respect from fans and females alike.
“I’ve actually gotten a few dates and stuff. I guess girls don’t mind that I never grew out of my awkward teenage stage. I look more awkward at 27 than most people did in their original license picture. I finally touched boobs on Sunday night when we were partying after the win. That 40-Year-Old Virgin guy was totally right, they do feel like bags of sand.”
Next week Archie plans to talk to Eli about the birds and the bees and also teach him how to drive.
“Man, I always thought that stork delivered the babies or something and that was why I look like one,” Eli said in response to the news.
© LameSports.net
January 18th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Does this mean that he will be disowned again after the Packers put a beatdown on the Giants this weekend?
bostonguy24 Says:
January 20th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Guess not since the Giants just pulled the second upset in two weeks.. what a game.
Rusty Says:
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Have to give them credit where it is due. Though I tend to think Brett Favre had something to do with the Giants winning, just as the Cowboys themselves had a lot to do with Dallas handing them a victory. I guess I’m not giving them credit after all…
bostonguy24 Says:
January 24th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Yeah, exactly. I couldn’t agree more, Favre finally reared his ugly head and threw two of the worst picks of his season at the worst time possible. Dallas made the Giants look better than they are, and though I’ll admit the Giants held their own at Lambeau, Favre gift wrapped the game twice.