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Baseball Drug Testing

By Da Schmooze

There has been brouhaha in the media, recently, about the fact that Major League Baseball Teams had knowledge several days in advance that super-secret drug testing would be performed at their stadiums, on their players.

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Filed under: Baseball


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Keep the Jets Grounded - A Rebuttal

By Nick Maloney

A Rebuttal to Beat the F’ing Pats: Keep the Jets Grounded

There’s a lot of buzz coming out of Foxborough this week in anticipation of the upcoming Jets game, but it’s got nothing to do with Bill Parcells or a rivalry preceding 2006. The chatter comes from Patriots excited to see how many points they can put up on the Jets.

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Filed under: Football


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Michael Vick: The Dumbest Athlete Ever?

By Rob Dauster

Unless you have been living under a rock for the past six months, I’m sure you know the situation former Atlanta Falcon’s quarterback Michael Vick has gotten himself into. But just in case you have, let me refresh your memory. Vick financed an illegal dog fighting ring at the rural Virginia property he owned violating numerous state and federal laws regarding gambling and animal cruelty, lied in his plea agreement with federal prosecutors about being involved in the killings of “inadequate” dogs and about receiving any of the proceeds from the gambling, and then tested positive for marijuana violating the terms of his conditional release. Now that his sentence has been handed down, let’s take a look at what all of this has cost Vick: 23 months in federal prison, repayment of $20 million in bonuses, $70 million of the 10 year, $130 million contract extension he signed in 2004, an estimated $50 million in endorsement deals, $1 million for the kenneling of the confiscated dogs, and three banks suing him for defaulting on loans resulting in devastation to his credit score. All told, Vick stands to lose at least $141 million. How much money could he have possibly made off the dogfights to make it worth the risk of losing $141 million in guaranteed money? When your salary is $13 million a year, do you really need to partake in something illegal to make a few extra bucks? All this got me to thinking, which isn’t always the best thing for me to do, but is Vick the dumbest athlete ever? Let’s discuss….

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Filed under: General Sports


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Beat the F’ing Pats!

By Jason Levy

The showdown is set. The New England Patriots will put their undefeated season on the line against their sworn nemesis, the New York Jets. You can say this is a battle 10 years in the making, ever since Bill Parcells left the Pats on the heels of a Super Bowl appearance to be the Jets coach and general manager. The rivalry turned up a few degrees when Bill Belichick, Parcells longtime protégé and defensive coordinator with the Jets (and Giants) resigned “As HC of NYJ” just a couple of days after he was given the job and bolted back to New England, taking the coaching staff and several defensive players with him.

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Filed under: Football


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Running New Candidates up the England Flagpole

By Dina Ely

As to be expected (but not desired) the FA have been dragging their guilty feet on filling the ominous vacancy for manager of the England national seniors team. They were quick to sack Steve McClaren, who should never been given the job in the first place, but now that they’re faced with having to select someone with the gumption and skill to turn the team around they’ve lost their nerve.

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Filed under: Soccer


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Gagne, Jones Cash in on Being Bad at Their Jobs

By Nick Maloney

Andruw Jones worst season in ten years earned him a 2-year, $36 million contract with the Los Angeles Dodgers this week for managing to hit .222, a whopping .22 points over the Mendoza line.

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Filed under: Baseball


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Marlins to Pay 2008 Salaries in Food Stamps, Countless Players File for Chapter 11

By Nick Maloney

The Florida Marlins love to save money. If the Yankees and Red Sox shop at Armani Exchange and eat filet mignon, the Marlins must shop at Wal-Mart and be veteran Dollar Menunaires.

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Filed under: Baseball


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Some Steelers Guy Guarantees Victory

By Rusty Weiss

The AP is reporting that somebody who apparently plays football for the Pittsburgh Steelers has guaranteed a win against the undefeated New England Patriots this week. The Patriots are making a bid at history, trying to become the first team ever to go 16-0 in an NFL season.

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Filed under: Football


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Even Lowly Jets Feel Bad for Dolphins

By Nick Maloney

Sunday marked one of the most anticipated games of the NFL season. The league’s two worst teams, the New York Jets (2-9) and Miami Dolphins (0-11) went head to head to decide who deserved the Razzy Award for most embarrassing NFL franchise of the year.

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Filed under: Football


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Selig Announces National League Will be Renamed ‘American League Lite’

By Rusty Weiss

With the announcement of yesterday’s blockbuster deal between the Detroit Tigers and the Florida Marlins, came more surprising news from the Commissioner’s Office. Bud Selig has announced that the National League will officially be renamed ‘American League Lite.’

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Filed under: Baseball


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The Red Sox: New Public Enemy #1?

By Rob Dauster

Is it just me, or has this year’s installment of the baseball winter meetings been filled with more drama than usual? From trade rumors involving big name stars like Florida’s Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis, Pittsburgh’s Jason Bay, Oakland’s Dan Haren, and Baltimore’s Miguel Tejada and Erik Bedard to the always exciting “see-who-the-most-overpaid-free-agent-is” waiting game (this year it is center fielders, with Torii Hunter setting the standard at 5 years, $90 million, but Andruw Jones and Aaron Rowand seem poised to give that mark a run for its money), it’s no wonder this time of year in baseball is known as the “Hot Stove”.

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Filed under: Baseball


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Johan Santana Sweepstakes

By Nick Maloney

The baseball hot stove season is heating up this week, and the biggest offseason prize, Twins pitcher Johan Santana is being sought after by at least three teams. The Red Sox, Yankees and Mets have all admitted interest in the Minnesota ace, believed by everyone with any idea of what a baseball is to be the best left-handed pitcher in the Major Leagues.

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Filed under: Baseball


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Martina Hingis Retires

By Da Schmooze

It was with a tear in my eye that I listened to the press conference as Martina Hingis, one of the golden girls of tennis, announced her second retirement from the game.

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Filed under: Tennis


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