Lame Sports

Michael Vick: The Dumbest Athlete Ever?

By Rob Dauster

Unless you have been living under a rock for the past six months, I’m sure you know the situation former Atlanta Falcon’s quarterback Michael Vick has gotten himself into. But just in case you have, let me refresh your memory. Vick financed an illegal dog fighting ring at the rural Virginia property he owned violating numerous state and federal laws regarding gambling and animal cruelty, lied in his plea agreement with federal prosecutors about being involved in the killings of “inadequate” dogs and about receiving any of the proceeds from the gambling, and then tested positive for marijuana violating the terms of his conditional release. Now that his sentence has been handed down, let’s take a look at what all of this has cost Vick: 23 months in federal prison, repayment of $20 million in bonuses, $70 million of the 10 year, $130 million contract extension he signed in 2004, an estimated $50 million in endorsement deals, $1 million for the kenneling of the confiscated dogs, and three banks suing him for defaulting on loans resulting in devastation to his credit score. All told, Vick stands to lose at least $141 million. How much money could he have possibly made off the dogfights to make it worth the risk of losing $141 million in guaranteed money? When your salary is $13 million a year, do you really need to partake in something illegal to make a few extra bucks? All this got me to thinking, which isn’t always the best thing for me to do, but is Vick the dumbest athlete ever? Let’s discuss….

Honorable Mention: Len Bias, Doc Gooden, Chris Henry, Pacman Jones, Jamal Lewis, Ralph Sampson, Darryl Strawberry, Mike Tyson, Marcus Vick.

#5 Lawrence Phillips: Wasted what could have been a legendary career as a running back. Domestic violence in college led to him dropping to the sixth pick in the 1996 draft, but he never really got his career off the ground. He was cut in 1997 by the Rams due to skipping team meetings and practice due to a dispute over playing time. He got chances with the 49ers and the Dolphins, but those never panned out. He finished his career in NFL Europe and the CFL. Currently, Phillips is facing 20 years in prison due to seven counts of assault with a deadly weapon and two more domestic abuse incidents. Clearly, Phillips is a moron. But his career never got off the ground, whereas everyone else in the Top 5 was at least an all-star.

#4 Pete Rose: Rose, who holds the career hit mark, voluntarily accepted a permanent place on baseball’s ineligible list for gambling on the Cincinnati Reds he managed from 1985-1988. Allegedly, he bet up to $10,000 a day, although he always bet on the Reds to win. In 1990, Rose spent five months in prison as a result of tax evasion and paid $366,000 in back taxes. Currently, he is still banned from being on the ballot for the baseball Hall of Fame, although he can be voted in by the Veteran’s Committee. Rose has been accepted into one Hall of Fame, however – the WWE’s. If Rose had admitted his gambling in the first place, he would probably be in the Hall now, but this idiot vehemently denied it until 2004 (including in a nationally aired interview with Jim Gray in 1999), costing him just about all the credibility he had left.

#3 Ron Artest: I debated putting him on the list because I can’t decide if he is dumb or just flat out insane, but after careful consideration I came to the conclusion that he is definitely both, and thus eligible for this list. Let’s take a look at some of his highlights. During his rookie season in Chicago he applied for a job at Circuit City so he could receive an employee’s discount. While with the Pacer’s, he was suspended for two games because he requested a month off because he was tired from producing an album on his record label, and attended one practice in nothing but a bathrobe. He was suspended three games for destroying an expensive camera at Madison Square Garden, four games for getting in a scuffle with Pat Riley, and numerous times for flagrant fouls. His most infamous moment came when he sparked the 2004 brawl against the Detroit Pistons that resulted in his suspension for 73 games, the extensive suspensions of Ben Wallace, Jermaine O’Neal, and Stephen Jackson, and the resulting collapse of the Indiana Pacers organization. He lost around $5 million due to the suspension. Most recently he had all his dogs confiscated in Sacramento due to neglect, and was arrested and suspended after a domestic violence charge. So what do you think – dumb or crazy?

#2 Michael Vick: So if Vick is number two, is it obvious who our winner is?

#1 O.J. Simpson: Orenthal James Simpson. The Juice. Where should I start? From the now infamous “low-speed” chase in the white Ford Bronco, to the bloody glove that was too small, to the $33.5 million that Ron Goldman’s family won in a civil suit, Simpson’s ordeal may be the most notorious, well-documented legal battle that occurred in the United States in the last 20 years that did not involve a President and a stained dress. And even after all of that, he could have faded away in our nation’s collective memory if it weren’t for a book he tried to publish in 2006 called “If I Did It”, which detailed how, if he had wanted to kill his wife, Simpson would have done it. Currently, O.J. is facing life in prison as a result of a slew of charges, including kidnapping and armed robbery. “Allegedly”, he thought that he would be able to rob sports memorabilia dealers, at gun point no less, with out the victims being able recognize him.

So there you have it. The dumbest athletes of all-time.

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