Lame Sports

Martina Hingis Retires

By Da Schmooze

It was with a tear in my eye that I listened to the press conference as Martina Hingis, one of the golden girls of tennis, announced her second retirement from the game.

Previously, she had retired due to injuries, only to make a gritty return to the court just one and a half months before Wimbledon.

In an apparent attempt to pre-empt the leakage to the media of a positive drug test result after her loss at Wimbledon to American Laura Granville, she also acknowledged that she had tested positive for cocaine.

However, she went on to state categorically that, “I believe that I am 100% innocent.”

Martina went on to say that she has never used drugs, and that she believes the source of the cocaine in her system may have come from a spiked drink, “That someone in my environment gave me viciously without my knowledge.”

Additionally, her attorney had found “various inconsistencies” with her urine samples which lead her to believe that the urine that was tested was not actually hers.

Nevertheless, Martina chose to retire instead of trying to clear her good name.

Da Schmooze can empathize.

After all, how can an elite athlete possibly feel at ease competing at any world class tennis tournament if hangers-on are running around spiking everyone’s drinks with illegal drugs.

And how in the world can you trust the drug testing mechanism of tennis when urine samples can be misplaced and switched at a moments notice. Especially given the difficulty it is to provide a sample in the first place. Have you any idea how tough it is to pee into one of those little cups?! Talk about your pinpoint accuracy.

No, Da Schmooze understands her dilemma and feels her pain and is deeply saddened that one of the great set of legs in tennis, will no longer be out there on the court for all to admire.

That’s all Da Schmooze, for now.

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