Lame Sports

Shock Therapy

By Harlan Sherwin

To: The American Psychological Association

From: Harlan Sherwin-Boston Celtics fan

Dear Madam or Sir:

I am in desperate need of help, and you may be my last chance. Since Larry Bird, Kevin McHale and Robert Parish retired, I have endured horrible Boston Celtics teams, with few exceptions.

This off-season they had the audacity to acquire Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen to play alongside Paul Pierce, and right now their record is 8-1. This newfound success has completely disoriented me.

Last year the Celtics lost 18 games in a row, and seemingly invented new ways to lose every night. Ball movement and defense were as foreign a concept to them as the word compassion is to Dick Cheney.

Now they move the ball beautifully, play great defense, and play with great passion. This sudden change in performance has greatly unnerved me.

Another facet of their recent success that I am having trouble dealing with is the Las Vegas lines on their games. Last year they were constantly picked to lose, and when they went on the road, instead of saying they were seven or eight point underdogs, the line would simply read “fuhget about it!” Last week they visited the New Jersey Nets, and were actually five point favorites.

Please send me the name of a good shock therapist in the Boston area as soon as possible! These new look Celtics are greatly upsetting my emotional stability, and I need immediate help.

Thank you in advance for your concern, and I hope to hear from you very soon!

Desperately,

Harlan Sherwin

Boston, MA.

© LameSports.net