Lame Sports

Tonya Harding Suspected of Plot to Cripple Randy Moss

By Freddy Cohen

Controversial Dallas Cowboys Wide Receiver Terrell Owens is once again mired in the center of a major controversy which has all the makings of a Hollywood drama. Jurors could be “getting their popcorn ready” as Owens is being charged with scheming to perhaps permanently harm his main Wide Receiving rival and fellow #81 jersey-wearer, Randy Moss.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Oregon Trail

By Steve Sherman

The PAC-10 is the strongest and most underrated conference in America. The last place team (Washington Huskies) killed Syracuse, highly ranked Boise State, played Ohio State tough (although the numbers do not show it), nearly beat USC and UCLA, and crushed Stanford, who by the way, did beat USC. Other PAC-10 teams with losing records include Stanford, WSU who crushed UCLA, and Arizona. The SEC is tough and they know how to win, but the PAC-10 is stronger. I wish they could send a team to the National Championship, but alas, Dennis Dixon’s injury cost more than a Heisman. This season has come down to two undefeated teams, Hawaii, who would deserve a chance at the title, and if you disagree, then you obviously weren’t having a Fiesta last year when Boise State played the most creative football down the wire in history to beat Oklahoma. And Kansas. Has basketball season started yet? Yes, but hold on. I didn’t want to believe it, but the Jayhawks’ offense is mammoth. They have scored at least 52 points in five games and over 30 points in all but two games, at Colorado, and at Texas A&M, where they still held on to the win. All in all it should be a great rest of the season, I just wished the Ducks could’ve flown south this winter to join another talented squad in New Orleans for an exciting Championship game. But New Orleans won’t be seeing the storm of an offense the dangerous Ducks have offered. Dixon and Jonathan Stewart may be the two most talented players in the game, but both have battled injuries in their careers. Which brings me to my final thought, which college sports fans love to talk about. Heisman.

Read the rest of this entry »

Starbury/A-Fraud Redux

By Jason Levy

The whim of the sports gods is intriguing. Two subjects I covered in earlier posts, the embarrassing situation of the New York Knicks and the Alex Rodriguez saga, each took left turns without putting on their respective blinkers, and don’t you hate when that happens? While more drama is likely to play out down the road, here are my thoughts on the recent happenings of these Gotham giants, and different sides that can only be paired with each other.

Read the rest of this entry »

Fantasy Sports

By Ross Weingarten

Bosses of America: it’s 2:00 P.M. on a Thursday. Do you know what your employees are doing? If you think they are working, you could be wrong. In fact, chances are you are wrong. Much more likely, they are playing fantasy football, and it can’t be good for your productivity.

Read the rest of this entry »

Pickleball, Son!

By Billy Reamer

Well, I was pecker slapped back to reality once again. Here I was, under the impression that those left turnin’ rednecks were at the forefront of America’s fastest growing sport. I was wrong. And it never felt so right. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s Just a Game

By Ross Weingarten

The biggest news from last Saturday’s college football games was that Ohio St., a perennial national championship contender, lost to upstart Illinois, continuing a topsy-turvy season in which seemingly traditional powers are vulnerable. However, the most shocking thing that I saw on Saturday didn’t come during that upset, but rather afterwards. Moments after the Buckeyes lost their first game since being decimated by Florida in last year’s title game, reporters asked Jim Tressel how his team would respond. He looked worn down and depressed, still shocked that his team had lost a game, and at home no less. The Ohio St. coach looked like the loneliest guy in the world.

Read the rest of this entry »

Love/Hate-Rod

By Jason Levy

You have to love (or hate) Major League Baseball. Even after the season is over, the national pastime still dominates the back pages across America. The Hot Stove League is in full swing, as experts and fans pontificate where players will sign and which players will be swapped in an effort by teams to look good on paper.

Read the rest of this entry »

Soccer, Meet Rubik’s Cube

By Dina Ely

Does soccer ever get so boring that cameras and commentators are obliged to scramble desperately for absolutely anything to distract us from the play? Apparently the answer is a resounding “yes”.

Read the rest of this entry »

Charlie Weis, Losing on the Field, and In the Cafeteria

By Rusty Weiss

Unconfirmed reports out of South Bend, Indiana, indicate that Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis has suffered his worst setback of the season, to the cafeteria.

Read the rest of this entry »

Beijing Olympics Recalled

By Rusty Weiss

China – the source of recalled products from tainted toothpaste to toys with dangerous levels of lead – has been dealt yet another blow to its credibility. In light of a slew of recent scares, and a very wary public, the Beijing Olympic organizing committee (BOCOG) has decided to simply recall the 2008 Summer Olympics all-together.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Invisible League

By Jason Levy

People need to watch more of the National Hockey League. It’s a must. Hockey is equal parts grace and guts, and it’s a tremendous sport to see live. If you sit close to the rink you can hear every check, shot, grunt, and scrape of speeding skates against the ice. You can feel the energy of the players as they skate by. If you find yourself in the nosebleeds, you’ll be able to see every inch of the ice and every play develop, from start to finish. During Tuesday night’s Islanders-Rangers game on Versus, there was a stretch of over six minutes in the first period with no stoppages in play. Even though no goals came of it, it was six of the most exciting minutes of sport I had seen in a long time (Isles-Rangers blood feuds will do that, another great part of the NHL).

Read the rest of this entry »

Ravens Shore Up Hands Team, Sign 8 Limbed Girl

By Rusty Weiss

In response to the brutal 38-7 beat down at the hands of the Pittsburgh Steelers, which included a fumbled punt return that led to a Ben Roethlisberger touchdown, the Baltimore Ravens have signed two-year-old Lakshmi out of Bihar, India. Lakshmi, who goes by only one name, has been revered in her Indian Village as being a reincarnation of a Hindu Goddess because she was born with four arms and four legs.

Read the rest of this entry »

College Football Turned Upside-down

By Ross Weingarten

I didn’t go to a sports-obsessed college. At my school, the closest thing to a pep rally was a sit-in on the quad to protest the inhumane treatment of chickens in America’s heartland. I missed out on the hoopla of game-day, the cheerleaders, the band, the excitement, the tailgates, and the feeling of jubilation after a big win, or the utter despair after a crushing loss, both of which inevitably lead to binge drinking. Friends of mine at big schools would call me after their football team had won a bowl game to gloat and ask how my school’s team was doing. My only response: we’ve been undefeated since 1861 (needless to say, we haven’t won a football game in that time either).

Read the rest of this entry »

A Splash of Liquid Football

By Dina Ely

When it comes to good soccer, Alan Partridge said it best: “This is liquid football!”

Read the rest of this entry »

The Cash Cow’s Cometh for 2008

By Dina Ely

I’m over the moon that somebody in Major Leaue Soccer finally acknowledged David Beckham has done more good than harm for the league since his arrival. Sure his season was, well, nonexistent, through little fault of his own. But it was hardly a debacle; the league’s profile is greatly raised and the money is rolling in. The cash cow has well and truly landed.

Read the rest of this entry »