Lame Sports

Bronx Bummers

By Steve Sherman

The city that never sleeps may want to turn their attention to Queens come spring. Fortunately, New Yorkers’ have two teams to choose from and next year the Mets may just have the comeback story of the century. The Yankees may be the largest team with the payroll and the hype, but frankly I’m getting sick of the drama. Sure you can dispose of A-Rod and switch managers, but the upper-management along with their postseason play makes me more nauseous than a sewer in Times Square. So let’s take a look at the two bits of drama the Kings of Greed, Mr. Steinbrenner and Mr. Rodriguez have brought the past few weeks.

1) They just let go of Joe Torre after twelve successful seasons… Let’s look at why: He won Manager of the Year two times, (’96 and ’98) and was a strong consideration almost every year he didn’t win. He won over 100 games in one-third of his seasons, and over 92 games 11 of 12 years, the one year he did not, they won the World Series (2000). He won the pennant 6 times, (Half of his seasons), and won 4 World Series’ titles. Don’t get me wrong, but winning a World Series every third year isn’t bad considering there’s 30 teams in the Majors. However, New Yorkers’ predominantly care about what someone does in October and it’s been four years without a pennant. Geez, Joe, what’s your problem? Couldn’t you do something about your team captain (Jeter) hitting .176 this postseason, what about Posada at .133, Matsui at .188 or Cabrera at .182. Go All-Stars! Maybe you could have given a better pep talk to the pitchers, so Wang’s ERA would not have been over 19. So get out of here Joe, seven years without a ring means you’re a cartoon to New Yorkers, so time to go to L.A. and join the rest of the characters in Disneyland. At least you can enjoy the sun while your players do their job. And if Vlady decides to bat under .250, then time to punt ‘cause you’ll be three and out. And Steinbrenner obviously knows what he’s talking about. I mean c’mon, he convinced Clemens to come back on a ridiculous salary to give up three runs in two innings. Joe, Joe, Joe, why can’t you just tell his arm what to do? You’re the coach! Anyway, the good news is, Georgie is looking on the bright side. He has a different Joe, Joe Girardi, who completed his 2006 season with the Marlins, with a losing record that finished 4^th in the NL East. The point is, Steinbrenner is going to get the players he wants with his wallet, he’s going to try and buy a World Series and hopefully for Girardi, his players perform ‘cause the pressure will be on. Heck, I’d gladly be the coach for $50,000 a year; because I’m not going to change the way the team plays. They’re a bunch of All-Stars who count on themselves. They may have counted on a guy who brought them together to play well and take them to the post season every year, but hey, as the umps say “get him outta here!”

2) A-Rod opted out of his contract. Both good and bad news. Good because it’s about time A-Rod brings his garbage to a fourth city, where he’ll still get booed at every stadium except maybe his new home. Good, because the people of the Bronx who make on average less than $25,000 a year per household can now relax knowing that A-Rod who made three times that much in a day is gone. Yeah, three times that much in a day to bat .267 and strike out six times in four games this post season, much better than other seasons I might add. The word October panics him more than a little kid about to enter a Haunted House. Here’s a thought, A-Rod, why don’t you share your money with the people with real jobs who are saving lives, or maybe give a bit more to the poor instead of concentrating on your pearly whites. Point is, his contract keeps going up to ludicrous heights while my A-Rod autograph’s goes down in price and value to me personally. So thank you Alexander the Goon for opting out of your pretty boy contract, New York has better drama to attend to on Broadway and we’re glad yours will corrupt a new city that actually sleeps at night.

Although Alex’s departure will be good for the moral value of the team and the city, let’s not forget we are losing the best regular season player in the game who will indeed end up conquering most big time records, including home-runs. And although his ball won’t be tainted by an asterisk, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was launched into orbit. Maybe instead of NASA they’ll ask Barry to keep on the roids and throw it in the sky! Point is, although he isn’t worth the drama, his departure still brings it.

To Conclude: Most of that happened before the post-season ended. Let’s see what else Steinbrenner and the organization can do to make the headlines. Meanwhile New Yorkers, try to focus on the baseball team that needs you: The Mets. They may have pulled off the greatest choke in sports, but they’ll swallow easier next year bringing back the similar squad comprised of young talent and great veterans. Willie Randolph is a great coach, and let’s remember they still have Beltran, Reyes, Wright, Green, Delgado, Maine, Hernandez, Perez, and the rest of the team whose only drama next year will be full of cheers and success! Good luck to Torre, God be with Girardi, and Go Mets! See ya in 2008!

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