Lame Sports

An Ode to Delmon Young

By Nick Maloney

We’ll miss you in Tampa, Delmon. We saw all the potential in the world in you. The sky was the limit, but even the Rays have their breaking point. You finished second in the Rookie of the Year voting in 2007, and yet a just a few short weeks later you’re gone.

We put up with a lot from you, more than we probably should have. Shipping you off to Minnesota for the underachieving Matt Garza in a six player deal was worth getting you off our minds. You threw a bat at a minor league umpire. Are you insane?

Imagine someone like that happening in the real world. It’d be like a lawyer throwing the gavel at the judge, or a Best Buy service representative spitting in the face of a customer.

You would have been fired on the spot had you done such a thing in the “real world.” But baseball, and sports alike, gives second and third chances. You might have been a star in Tampa, if that’s even possible in front of 13,000 fans a night, but now you can go freeze your ass off in Minnesota.

Enjoy buying a house up there; I hear the 20 degree weather is charming. Maybe you can buy the cabin from Craig T. Nelson’s old show, “Coach.” That place sure looked cozy.

You’ll have a chance to win with the Twins, something you probably never would’ve had here in Tampa, but we’ll always have Disney world and plenty of delicious, sweet oranges here in the Sunshine State. What do you have up there in the Metrodome? Oh yeah, I almost forgot the Mall of America. Sunshine State, or North Star state? No contest. I didn’t even know Minnesota was the North Star state until I looked it up.

Best of luck. Try to keep your temper cool and your eye on the ball, knowing the roof on that stadium you might take a few in the face if you don’t. I’ve got to run, a lot of advanced snoozing to do.

-Don Zimmer

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