By Rusty Weiss
Sources here at Lame Sports have learned that the oft troubled but talented Chris Henry is very close to a deal that would make him the highest paid wide receiver in Ohio Penal System (OPS) history.
Henry’s agent, Marvin Frazier, said it was too soon to spell out details of the impending deal, but that rumors of a trade earlier in the day now appear to be unfounded.
Early Monday morning, ESPN’s Chris Mortenson had indicated that the OPS was interested in a sign-and-trade that would send Henry back to jail, while the Bengals would receive ‘a compensatory pack of smokes and a player to be named later.’
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By Rusty Weiss
It didn’t take long for an area get-together of hardcore fantasy football fans to live up to its name.

The annual Minneapolis Fantasy Football Mock Draft was recently held to prepare locals in Minnesota for the actual fantasy draft on August 28th. The participants, who typically take these events quite seriously quickly got into a disagreement, denigrating this year’s event into a mockery.
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By Trel
Lurking in the shadows of the Summer Olympics, Men’s Figure Skating is getting a makeover for the ages. Olympic Athletes are always looking for that next big leap in technology due to the ever constraining, ever more diligent, technologically advanced drug testing policies that seem to take away every record shattering performance and accompanying Gold medal with a “positive” test for either steroids or extra red blood cells.
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By Rusty Weiss
Brett Favre is continuing a seven year trend this offseason, not divulging to his employers one way or the other as to his status for the upcoming season. Wisconsin is all abuzz. Will he come back for another season after last year’s renaissance? Or is it time to call it a career? Favre’s off-field indecision has become as much legend as his on-the-field prowess.
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By Trel
While Olympic coaches move to gain youth advantage, individual athletes move to gain any advantage that won’t get them disqualified.
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By Trel
Brett Farve will take a play from Junior Seau’s playbook and un-retire from the Packers and play for the Jets.
Forget the tampering charges filed against the Vikings. Favre is going to stay green, because of the “green”.
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By Trel
The festival of San Fermín in the city of Pamplona, adds yet another American to its injured reserve roster; California native, Marcus Wolf , 22 years old.
More Ceremony, more pageantry, more glamour, more explosives, more running, more carnage and death than any other sport in modern history…Oh and more nudity as well.
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By Rusty Weiss
Celtics power forward Brian Scalabrine stands at a daunting 6′ 9″. He weighs in at a solid 235 pounds. What could possibly make a man of his stature nervous?
“Having won a championship ring in only my seventh NBA season, I would assume the comparisons to Michael Jordan are right around the corner,” he said. “It’s scary to have to live up to these expectations.”
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By Rusty Weiss
In an interview late Wednesday evening, Vlade Divac, a star basketball player for the Sacramento Kings 2002 playoff team, was informed of the recent allegations made by disgraced referee Tim Donaghy. Upon hearing these allegations, Divac immediately flopped to the floor as if he had been shot in the abdomen.
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By Rusty Weiss
In the tumultuous world that is the sexual history of Roger Clemens, perhaps the most disturbing news has come from an anonymous source at the Daily News today. In their continued effort to uncover the many alleged affairs of Clemens, the Daily News is reporting that he and Eight Belles had an alleged intimate relationship. The most stunning news isn’t that this was yet another affair for a married man with four children. No, it was that the alleged relationship began when Ms. Belles was no more than a foal.
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By Rusty Weiss
Brazil striker Ronaldo says he’s sorry, embarrassed and ashamed that he ever consulted long time friend Eddie Murphy before calling for a prostitute. After his highly publicized encounter a week ago with three cross-dressing prostitutes, the soccer star called his error in judgment the biggest mistake of his life.
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By Kevin Moran
Marlins’ owner, Jeffrey Loria, has agreed in principle to sell the team to Yankees’ third baseman Alex Rodriguez, according to a Major League Baseball official speaking on the condition of anonymity. The deal is contingent upon the approval of Commissioner Bud Selig. The commissioner could not be reached for comment Monday night, but he is not expected to impede the sale.
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